my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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