fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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