if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
