I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
operation harelip BJ is a go
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
