So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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