Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
