my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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