The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
