he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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