Someone shit on the floor
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
