I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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