There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
