Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
