We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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