I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize