eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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