When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
