Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
