I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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