yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
