Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
