you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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