Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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