I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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