Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
