Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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