ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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