She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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