Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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