Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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