you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I deserve this hangover.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
