halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
