I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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