Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
