Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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