Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
