Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
