It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
