If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he fucked my hip out of place.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
