were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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