And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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