The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That accounts for only three of the penises
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
