I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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