Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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