I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
