i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I deserve this hangover.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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