Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
