rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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