I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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