I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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