I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
