You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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