Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
