she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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