I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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