Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
