My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
