I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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