just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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