JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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