It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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