Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
