my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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