So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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