Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
