1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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