Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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