please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
