yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You took a bar mat shot.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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