why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
