someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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