The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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