Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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