is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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