only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
