I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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