I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
