ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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