In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
