i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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