I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
false alarm, still single
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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