I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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