Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
