You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
