You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
