I want to have your abortion
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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