i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am spending my child support on dildos
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
