How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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